Throw-Back Thursday!

Angsty but hopeful high poetry again!

Fear's Children

Leave me alone

Wicked, grinning, fiendish creature

You fly on the TV

You invisible eyelash beneath the lid

You drop down the stairs

Stupid, senseless, logical voice

You colorful advertisement

You poisonous beauty

You corrupted conscience in the back of my mind.

Stop haunting this human

I am well aware of how you ruin

Me

I have been trapped inside the lure of your words

Since I learned to recognize your inviting expressions and curves

So sick to the stomach I have become

As the clock tick ticks

So fast that tock has gone

Packed its bags and without me has run

No body has noticed because tick continues on.

I yearn to be just like the tock

Out my numbered windows I lean

So far below me

There lies the freshly mowed grass

The conversations I urge to partake in but by the time I open my mouth, well let’s just say that conversations never last

The reassuring hug of the sun

Even when I burst with the heat

The soothing massage from the rain

Even when I drown in my tears

Oh I miss the love

The passion of two good friends eyes’ meeting

The dare to rest a hand on his chest to feel his sweet heart beating

The knowledge that leaps from the page, grabs my hand, and carries me away

I miss

I miss the courage to jump when the creature is doubtful

The courage to climb when the creature sees only pain ahead

The courage to wish when those balls of gas sparkle in the blackness when the creature whispers in my ear that dreams are a lie

The courage to feel when the creature warns me of the hurt and destruction

The courage to unlock a secret even though the creature-

But the hands reach out and grab me

They tug on my arms without mercy

Force my head to look back

So I can face the mirror to see your charcoaled colors

So I can feel the burning of your half finished tattoo on my forearm

That reminds me of the life I seek that is ebbing away

God I can’t think

With the clock screaming TICK. TICK. TICK.

The mirror shakes

The charcoal smears across the glass

TICK. TICK. TICK.

The agonizing sound

It rings in my ears

Vibrates under my skin

Reminds me you have power

But I close my eyes; I cannot give in

Especially when you send your shadow to glue itself to the walls

Wallpaper I take note to never pick out again when I move away

Far away

Or near by

I don’t care

Either way

I will be too bright to extinguish by then

As long as I can mutilate the strings that keep me tethered to the shadow and it’s kin

No more will there be a need to show off your elongated claws

Yes they extend from Facebook to television to stranger’s glares to poster boards and Christmas ornaments and all

Everything

You have proven so much

But I am not impressed.

Such a regret

With every step

Because of you

Well because I allow you to

But I don’t want to open the door for you anymore

Let me sleep beneath the covers without you ringing the doorbell restlessly

Let me sleep!

Let me keep my sanity

Let me let myself wish on the seemingly unreachable flaming balls regardless of the pain I must endure from the falls

I want to live outside these ashen walls

Beyond the nightmares you give me that make my flesh crawl.

I am desperate to look in the mirror for once and see not the distorted human features I have cultivated

When I wake up and rub my eyes I do not want to open them with a surprise

So no more will I pick up the knife so I can chisel out the image you seek

No more will I sing the high pitched squeal- so high pitched no one can hear- the one you stab out of me.

Because of you

Sleepless nights have become a thing

Because I have given you permission

Why did I sign the deed?

I tried to clench the hand that held the pen

But the pen dove into the paper

My signature bled

Now my fingernails bleed

I did my time

Release the shackles

I will barge through the bars

If you continue to cackle

You laugh so hard

I know

I understand

I have let myself be corroded so long

But no longer

You can laugh

Go ahead

Your stupid grin will falter when I slap on a nametag that bears MY name

When I lace up a pair of shoes that I choose from the shelf

When I shed this patched up piece of cloth you call a coat and rid myself of the needles you left in the coat while you sewed

The ones that poke and prod at my soul.

A million little holes, so small that you cannot tell they bleed out my soul

You cannot tell

But you know

And I know

I feel it

Everyday.

Everday is like a predictable fairy tale

One that does not guarantee a happy ending

I can’t take it anymore!

I won’t stand it!

Get out of my life!

You drank my energy up like a juice box

Slurping through the straw and all

I will rewrite my own story

I will-

The glass shatters.

The glitter sprinkles to the floor.

The door swings open

I walk out.