Together We'll Stay Separate

I bury my head in my pillows again and again

Then always lift up my tired limb to burn my eyes with the screen of my phone

Lit up like forced fireflies pinned to cork boards, I want to release them but they’re home

My eyes soak up the lack of your messages

And I know that you will always neglect to do anything, be anything when it comes to me

But still I look

And hope

But don’t see

Never see because you don’t

How can I not see what you won’t

Its imbedded in me

And I feel broke

As a college lamp trapped in an unfortunate fall

Choked by your inability to be a man

A human even

At this point

For months I told the world you were just soaked in your own confusion

But I realize now that that had been a delusion

I justified for you

Against myself

I battled wars soaked in diluted blood

That resulted in learning the stealth of a broken heart in learning the stealth of a broken heart twice removed from my body

You glued the wrong parts together

But I’ll stitch them back up in the glittery sequence they belong

Without you

I need to realize

Without you

I will get off my high horse and survive

Without you

Because I don’t need you

Do you hear that self? I don’t need him

So stop your sniffling and let him be him

So you can be you

And together you’ll stay separate